Emergency Guide: How to Deal with Toothless
by Eigee
Summary: USE WHEN HICCUP IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Enough said. Read and Review, please! :D


**A/N: I know I should be working on the other HTTYD fic, but I sorta had a brain fart on this one, it was too good to let it go. I was thinking, with Hiccup and Stoic getting along now, Toothless would sometimes have to be alone in Berk with no one to settle him down.. Blasphemy, I know. So I figured Hiccup should figure to make a guide to deal with Toothless when he was not there to be the mediator between Vikings and him. Alas, I created this guide. Enjoy (:**

**DISCLAIMER: Yes, I own Hiccup and Toothless... they're my prisoners. I keep them in my basement, you caught me, call the FBI... -sarcastic glance-**

***EDIT*- Hey you guys, I just wanna thank you for the lovely comments I've received. I also want to clarify something, someone mentioned for my sake I was violating the writing format.(Thanks for the warning!)**** I just want to publicly state this is not script format, this is a "guide" not a play. It is Hiccup responding to a recurrent issue via writing, that can be interpreted as epistolary narrative. Just in case it isn't, I'll modify it to a letter. If the problem remains I'll have to remove the story, I'd hate to loose my account for this minor issue.**

***EDIT*- Thanks for clearing my doubts out, you guys. Whew, I won't have to delete this :)**

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Emergency Guide: How to Deal with Toothless

**USE IF HICCUP IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND**

To whoever reads this,

Okay, I decided to leave a guide around for when I'm out of town and you guys have to calm Toothless down. I noticed how much of a lovely socializing you guys tend to have with him.

Anyway, there are only a few rules you want to follow in order to get along with Toothless:

**He****'****s a dragon, not a retard.** Believe me; it does NOT amuse him when people talk in slow motion to him. He gets it. Actually he's smarter than your average Viking. He's not a Night Fury for nothing, you know...

**Dragons have their pride and temper, especially Toothless.** Unlike your humble servant here, Toothless won't put up with your teasing and name calling. You respect him, he'll respect you. Likewise, you pick on him… he'll pick on you by a tenfold.

**He****'****s a picky eater. **If you want to win him over by giving him a treat for the love of Thor PLEASE be sure you're not giving him eels. And he likes Icelandic fish a little too much; don't let him get carried on with it. He gets sick.

**Don****'****t push him.** This rule is especially important. NEVER, I emphasize, NEVER push Toothless to do something he doesn't want to, or he'll tell you by his own radical methods that you're not amusing him.

**If he****'****s upset it****'****s best to leave him alone. **Believe me, been there, done that. Just back off and let him be miserable alone. He's a dragon of isolated nature.

**He never is the first to attack****…** Unless you've done something else to him that deserves revenge. I also highlight this rule, if there's been an "accident" chances are you brought it on yourself, man. Plus I'm more likely to believe Toothless' version.

**Dragons are animals, and animals don****'****t need to be babysat.** Like I said before, you don't bother him, he won't bother you. The only thing he needs help with is to get food. He doesn't fly, so he can't fish by himself. Someone has to help him with that; he eats a full large fishing basket per day. (In case you're wondering Astrid, that someone is implied to be you. Toothless likes you better.)

**Where in the world is he?** Toothless isn't the social type. If he isn't in the village, just leave the fish basket in Raven Point. He knows his way there.

**Don****'****t be afraid of him.** He doesn't spot cowards, he SMELLS them miles away. If you keep your cool and feel confident (note confident not arrogant. That goes to you guys, Ruff, Tuff and Snotlout.), you have nothing to worry about. He's friendly to people most of the time.

**DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RIDE HIM.** This is by far the most important of rules. Why? Because a. He won't let you. b. There is a high probability you'll get injured. c. Hiccup present or not, NO ONE is allowed to touch or even get near Toothless' riding equipment unless I say so. It's very fragile, it takes more than strength to figure how it works, so no Vikings allowed, no offense. And d. Most important of all, I'm his human, he's my dragon. It's a closed deal, no third wheels unless they're invited.

I'm done. Those are the basics to Toothless, just in case your life depends on knowing them. But before I finish; a final heads up. Toothless is a complicated creature, but in general, he's friendly to those he's comfortable with. If he trusts you, then you have to worry of nothing. Just be sure of not spoiling that trust. That should do.

Sincerely, Hiccup III

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**a/n: I hope you guys liked it! (: In case you did and want a little bonus note from Toothless, you can look this up in under my same nickname in deviantart. It's prettier cause I got to draw pictures on it :P Anyway, review please! (: And stick around for the next chapter of "How to Speak with a Dragon without Actually Speaking Dragonese" (: Laters!**

***EDIT* Someone asked me for the link in dA, here it is :D .com/art/An-Emergency-Guide-168303181?q=&qo=**


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